Er to be Or

Saw this image from Quantum World today. Had to steal it.

Just how I’m feeling I guess.

er_to_be_or

 

Life Turns Left

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Kicked Around No More

Been grappling with the whole situation at home and trying to understand why I want to go. It hit me last weekend as I was cleaning up months old messes in the garage left by the Three Tornadoes. Unpacked tent. Bikes strewn about. Half packed boxes and tubs.

This is why. I remember now.

Life Turns Left

Patience

Yes Patience.

On many fronts. Make it through the holidays. Make it through the winter. See where I am come summer.

Now to focus.

Try and focus on little projects. Focus on bigger projects. Its a lot of minutes just me and my brain. A lot.

Life Turns Left

 

A Soft Warm Place

Subtlety. We all do it. A comment here.  A Facebook picture there.

I think what it boils down to is that we want to share our soft underbellies but not with all. It shows in our movies we watch. The music we listen to on repeat over and over again. Our playlists. Our mix-tapes.

We want that special someone to ask about that song, that scene, that moment, whether we know who that someone is or not. We play our music loud in our cars because its a safe space in an unsafe world. But think that if the right person hears it like all the other animals that make mating calls, we might find that person.

You see it here. The music I choose. Its my flag, my fanned feathers to try and get noticed. “This song speaks to me, the words, the instruments, the arrangements. Take a look and you know more about me.”

I’ve thought about setting up my old stereo system from my teenage years, the receiver, the tape deck, the CD player and the furniture like speakers and just lying on the floor, head strategically placed to optimal sound and just listening. And should I find someone to buy into the idea, how about I take you on a trip through all those CD’s I purchased over the years, yes CD’s and maybe even cassette tapes. Sure I’ll skip some tracks, but you’ll probably hear most of that album that I dug so much when I was 14 pining over Girl J. Sorry , that’s her track. I have yours right here, and whenever I hear it, I’m going to think, of you, of this time and all the craziness that’s swirling around in my head, in my heart, as I sit here in the dark, just listening.

Life Turns Left

None

Ever being the optimist, I tried to get something going with the wife today. She’s off, but I’m working. After finishing a task, I text her “Whatcha doin?” followed by “Whatcha wearin?” “I have a stop to make, be home shortly”.

Got a work related answer, followed by “Clothes. It’s cold.” Then “ok. going to eat lunch with the kid”

Me: Nevermind.

Her: I know. Sexting. followed by a half assed picture.

I hold out hope that maybe she gets creative. Maybe she dresses up, or hides something sexy and comes into work. Or she could have suggested a time after lunch. I don’t see any of these happening.

 

Life Turns Left and reaffirms the disappointment.

Something Like A Storm

Its been quite a two weeks. A Facebook post. Answering questions around it. Searching out answers and finally getting one. Albeit, not one of the answers I was hoping for. Girl AI and I will remain friends… I’m hoping, but got an opportunity, in person, cuz its an in person conversation, to quickly address the state of the union. Friendzoned!

Next up the post mortem and looking at different things from various angles. Looking at the ripples from this experience. And it has been an experience. It had forced me to think harder about some topics and really look at what I’m doing and how I’m doing it.

Now to move through the day to day. The distraction was nice.

Life Turns Left